But today was the big day. Today everyone at Lynaugh's Pub was going to meet Anjelica. Jim was a little paranoid, as most guys are, because Anjelica definitely turned some heads when she entered.

The server approached. "Jim?"

"Yeah High Sally," he responded. "This is Anjelica. She'd like a rum and coke, and I'll take a Guiness. You know me. I can't take the booze, but I gotta have my Guiness."

"...Anjelica? Is that what you said...her..name was?"

"Indeed," chimed Jim.

"I don't. Well, I don't think she'll be able to drink it."

Jim already felt self-concious. This was the first time he had taken her anywhere, and he could tell she felt uncomfortable. Anjelica was like that, very shy. Quiet.

"Well OK Jim," the server said in confusion.

"Actually Sally, I think Anjelica and I are just going to go home and spend some time together. We haven't done that in a while," Jim leaned closer to whisper. "She's a little shy."

The server nodded her head with a stunned expression as Jim stood up and de-flated Anjelica. She just needed a little time alone.

Then "that guy" comes prancing over. That guy you maybe knew a couple of years ago, maybe used to wait tables together or something, but you never really liked him. But that never stopped him from talking your God damn ear off about how much cool stuff he's doing, and....whatever the Hell else these type of people talk about.

Here's a couple of really good things to say to this person that should surely get them to leave:

• Do me a favor man? Go to Hell.



• What was that? I wasn't paying attention. I was really enthralled by this droplet of water on the table.



• My name is Tim Mars. My friends call me Tim. You may call me Mr. Mars. (I actually said that to this mean librarian in like 3rd grade.)



• Why don't you just go to my house and hang out for a while, seeing that you like doing things that irritate the Hell out of people.



• You know, I think your presence would have a lot more impact if you were about 20 or 30 feet away.

• I knew I should have held off until you went on clearance.

• You kind of remind of a girl I had a crush on in high school. Only she wouldn't let me buy her.



• I know I said I was rich....but in your country I would be.

• Don't worry, in a little while, after some serious boozing, I'll look like Bryant Gumble.

• I don't see anything wrong with you sharing the floor with the dog...He's cleaner than you.

• Understand what I just said? No? Good.

• Can you knock off that foreign crap, it's giving me a headache.

• Can I tell my friends that I found you in the woods?

• It's good that you don't mind selling your body, because that's exactly what I had in mind too.

• I wouldn't call you my ball and chain. Or better half or anything demeaning like that. I'll just call you mine.