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Whoever had the idea to start making Email chain-letters needs to
be dragged out into the streets and publicly put to death. There
aren't too many things that irritate me more than getting some "good
luck" chain-mail garbage in my in-box.
The sad thing is that it's usually someone I know and like that
sends me this crap. Then I have to scroll down some big list of
bull to get to some cheapy graphic or stupid pun that I now have to
send to ten people or I will die in a horrible accident.
I think I'll start my own chain-letter.
Send me an Email
Peace,
Tim
Mars
Editor, UncensoredU.
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 It's Fall now in the States and many people are getting ready for
winter to rear its ugly head on everyone. People who enjoy the
outdoors seem to be in a frenzy to get in that last camping trip
before the season gets too cold. For many, camping is not complete
unless you have a big bag of 'shrooms. Now, for those of you who
are curious about the all-natural hallucinogen but are not sure if
you want to try them, here's a list of advice so that you get the
maximum out of your experience.
- Try to stay outdoors as much as possible. Half the fun to
the whole trip is being able to run wild. Indoors are fun, and
they usually contain things that can entertain you for hours
(like a spatula), but in general you will be much happier
outside.
 Try to avoid mirrors. For your first experience, it may be good
to avoid looking in mirrors because it can be mildy alarming to
see yourself. This isn't set in stone, and as you get more
comfortable, you may grow to love the mirror.
- Try to avoid "outsiders." Generally you grow such a strange,
mental bond between the other people tripping that it becomes
almost impossible to communicate with sober people. There are
exceptions to this, and that's people either you know really
well, or people that you don't care to know. If you do run
into problems in this area, for instance if some non-tripping
person just won't leave you alone, turn to them and yell
exuberantly, "I shaved my face today!" They usually leave
you alone real quick then.
That's enough to put you on the right track, just remember to stay
in a good mood and don't be nervous. It's not going to kill you,
and it might make you a more well-rounded
person.
Submit Stories to: tim@UncensoredU.com
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I keep hearing politicians talk about the "War on Drugs." Why can't
they just come to the realization that there is no war- the drugs
won a long time ago.
Americans were toking when we started colonizing. We were toking
when the Harlem Renaissance took place. We puffed through the
hippie era. And we're still hitting the greens in the new
millennium.
If politicians stopped looking at "the drug problem" as a criminal
issue, and started looking at it like it was a medical problem, the
issue would solve itself. After all, if someone robs or kills
someone while they are high, they're criminals -but not because
they're high. These type of people would commit crimes without
drugs. A couple of college kids sitting around in a dorm passing a
bong watching Tarantino flicks are not criminals, they're normal,
and most importantly, they're harmless.
Actually, why do politicians care if people get high? Those are the
people that don't usually vote anyway. And the people who are
in favor of the "War on Drugs" have probably never even done drugs.
In fact, it gives politicians a lot more power if people are using
drugs because those people typically fall into the cracks and become
generally "accepting" of public policy.
So the "War on Drugs" is not actually a war on drugs at all. It's a
war to keep people believing that drugs, and more specifically, the
drug-users, are bad.
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 It's that time of year when you wind up leaving campus and heading
back home for excruciatingly painful moments with family members
that you (luckily) haven't seen since the last holiday season.
Here are some funny things to do when you go home this year that
will make your family think, "Damn, college has really changed my
little baby."
1. Refer to your Grandma as, "Toots" and repeatedly smack her on
the ass when you walk by, saying things like, "Nice yams,
Toots."
2. Ask your dad -at the dinner table- if he's got any extra Viagra.
3. Show up to dinner in lederhosen, beer-in-hand, singing
"Tannenbaum" claiming that you could "whip anybody's ass at this
table."
4. Buy Christmas presents for yourself and give them to your
family. For example, if you play guitar, the ideal present for
your three-year-old niece would be a new set of strings.
 5. Drink yourself silly and march around the neighborhood in a
Santa Claus outfit yelling, "Has anybody seen my damn sleigh?"
6. Bring the phrase, "rub one off" into any sentence as much as
possible.
7. Tell your family that school would be a lot cooler if you went
to class.
8. Loudly pass gas and then yell, "Grandma!"
9. When your parents ask you if you've read anything interesting,
show them this web site. They're sure to think something is
wrong with you.
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MONDAY, THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD, HEAVEN- In response to millions of
WWJD-bracelet-wearing American Christians overloading Him with
countless questions of what He would "do" in a given situation,
Jesus called a press conference in Heaven earlier this week to
clear up some of the confusion, and to admonish people to cease
bothering him with trivial matters. He delivered a short statement
while flanked by buxom angels.
"I'm the Savior, for God's sake," Jesus declared, somewhat
exasperated. "Stop interrupting me to ask these ridiculous
questions. I mean it. Don't fuck with me."
In order to enhance response-time, in connection with Jesus' press
conference, the Press Secretary for the Office of the Son of God
issued a communique with a few general preferences that will act as
an FAQ of sorts for devout followers. The missive reads as
follows:
Jesus likes the black pants, not the blue, which make you look fat.
Jesus says get the Szechuan Chicken, but don't blame Him for your
heartburn.
Jesus would hang up and drive.
Jesus would want you to go to the kegger at Bobby's, just not
before Bible Study.
Jesus chooses Jif.
Jesus would take a single-malt 18-year old Scotch over White
Zinfandel.
Jesus likes soup, rather than salad.
Jesus to fifth dentist: if you knew what was good for you, you'd
recommend Crest, too.
Jesus says new tits are more important than a new boat.
Jesus likes East Coast rap better than that Cali crap.
Jesus wants his cut from all the bracelet sales, and He knows
where to find it, so watch your back.
(This section was written by Betsy Boyd)
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If you've thrown the best frat/sorority party known to man, or if
you have beef with some other Greeks (or non-Greeks) that you want
to make public, drop us a line at:
The Freaky Greek
Also, go here to subscribe so you don't miss the first issue...
signup page
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