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| Where are Tim's hands? |
I think my favorite aspect of the holiday season is that I have to
buy so much stuff. No--wait, It's the fact that I get to spend
time with my loved ones. It's also the presents. No, no. My
mistake, it has nothing to do with the presents. But I better get
some good ones.
Like a car. Yeah, something sporty. Maybe a little Japanese number.
Something with a new CD player and cruise would be nice. But it
doesn't matter, it's all about the love on Christmas. That's the
reason everyone loves the holiday so much. The love.
Oh yeah, it was a cracker in my mouth.
Send me an Email
Peace,
Tim
Mars
Editor, UncensoredU.
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You know, there are a lot of kids around the world that don't
celebrate Christmas. So, here's some ideas for children's books
that can make them enjoy the month of December just as much.
- "Stranger Danger: Santa Claus is Creepy"
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| From deep within his ice fortress, Santa plots the overthrow of the world's governments. |
- "The Lies Your Parents Tell You"
- "Little Billy Gets a Train Set--You Get Nothing."
- "Why Mommy and Daddy Don't Love You"
- "The House That Santa Skipped"
- "Your Cheap-Ass Parents"
- "'Twas the Night Before the Day You Didn't Get Any Toys"
- "At Least You Don't Have to Go School"
- "How to Steal the Other Kids' Presents"
- "Those Other Kids Suck"
Submit Stories to: tim@UncensoredU.com
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The Holy Scripture may have had a different bent if written by
college students:
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -
cold, with stale Coke.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -
double-spaced, with wide margins, and written in a large font.
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| When the kegs ran dry, Jesus was always a hit with his 'water into wine' routine. |
A new edition would be published every two years in order to
limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't
cafeteria food.
Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's e-mail to
abuse@romans.gov.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40
years: They didn't want to ask for directions and look like
freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on
the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it
was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
(Contributed by Bernard Mulligan)
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Every parent has a different way of raising their children. Some
parents provide their children with allowances and give them
spending money, aside from paying for all their living expenses.
Some parents force their children to value a dollar even at an
early age by encouraging them to get jobs to pay for the things
they want.
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| Isuzu has added a new factory option for bowheads. |
Neither one of these parenting techniques are "better" than the
other, but one thing that is for sure is that some people need to
cut the cord after a while. I used to date a girl who was 22 and
had a weekly allowance. What's worse is that she had a 28-year-
old sister and 32-year-old brother who were BOTH receiving an
allowance as well.
That's ridiculous, and even more so, very manipulative on the part
of the parents. If you don't stop pouring money to your kids (or
if you don't stop taking your parents' money) you're just hurting
the relationship that you could have by creating social roles in
the family that keep the parent as the "have" and the child as the
"have not".
In the end, you wind up with controlling parents and spineless kids
who argue about which SUV goes best with their wardrobe...
What a planet.
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Mail Sam |
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